Every time someone has told me they were pregnant, I'd be thrilled for them and pray that it would be me soon. From the time Brian and I started dating, we had hoped we could get pregnant as soon as we got married. We wanted a honeymoon baby. We thought that by the time we were celebrating our fifth anniversary we'd have at least two kids or be pregnant with the second one.
Well, here we are less than a month away from our sixth anniversary and no babies.
The last five years have been filled with medications, shots, infertility treatments, multiple weekly doctor appointments, nights where I'd lay in bed crying and just praying for a baby, people asking insensitive questions about why we didn't have kids yet. We prayed for children all the time. I saw my husband interacting with our friends kids and felt so much guilt that I hadn't been able to provide him with kids yet (he NEVER made me feel that way, just myself).
We have the privilege of leading an eGroup at our church. It's made up of couples and we get to do Bible studies and life together. Over the last two years our group, family and friends have prayed with us for kids. Sometimes I felt like they were praying about it more than I was because I'd just get too sad about it. I even prayed that God would take the desire out of my heart to want children. That was the hardest thing because I knew that I wanted them more than anything, but maybe there was a reason we weren't blessed with them yet. Through those prayers, He only made my desires stronger.
When we started our adoption journey, Brian was that catalyst for it. His faith was the strongest and I'm so grateful for that because he truly is the spiritual leader of our household. I was scared that we wouldn't come up with the money, get approved to be parents or even be ready to be mom and dad. Thoughts were racing through my head like "What if this doesn't work too?", "How will we ever raise this money?", " How will we know what to do?".
The home study is one of the first parts of the adoption process. It's where they come to your house and examine it, interview both parents, check on references, it's pretty intense! It costs $5500 to complete that portion of the adoption. Both Brian and I were believing it'd take us 4-5 months to come up with the money. We were planning on sharing our story on Facebook and Instagram and doing some fundraisers in November and December. We thought we'd get through the holidays, maybe family would give us Christmas gifts that we could use for the home study.
We really never thought it'd get started in 2014.
God had some other plans for us.
In less than two weeks, friends, family and strangers have donated over $6,000! Brian and I got a call last week from some of our best friends who wanted to donate and huge amount. It was the exact right amount to finish paying for the home study. When I found out, all I could do was cry and thank God. We still need to raise about $35,000 more, but how can we doubt God now after these last two weeks?!
He knew all along that this would be our path to starting our family. He knew that i needed stronger faith in Him. I feel as though God kind heartedly laughed at me last week as this money was coming through. I felt Him asking me why I didn't have more faith in Him because He already has this planned out. He knows the names, gender and ages of the children we will be bringing him. He knows the desires of our hearts and is answering them.
I felt Him saying I am going to be a mom. I believed for the first time in my life that I will actually get to be a mom. And I cannot wait!
Lauren
Lauren
My mom & I
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