Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork.

So it's been a while. A little over two months to be exact, and despite the fact that we haven't posted any blogs or made a lot of Facebook updates, we have made a lot of progress. The problem is that its not progress that we can really write anything about, and to be honest it's progress thats kind of hard to get excited about. Paperwork. Thats what we have been doing for two months now.

I think I have filled out at least three different monthly budget forms, we had to get certified copies of our marriage license and birth certificates, we both had to fill out 12 page questionnaires, doctors forms, wills, blood tests, drug tests, background checks, and the list goes on and on. Also, most of these documents need multiple signatures, so its more than just filling it out. We have to track down the Dr to sign this sheet of paper, and we need a notary to sign this paper, and we need a non-relative reference to sign these forms, and we need a written statement from our seventh grade science teacher, and so on.  So you can imagine what it is like trying to get all of this stuff together.

The good news is that within the week we will have completed and submitted the first stack of paperwork, and hopefully we can begin our home study this month. The next bit of good news is that we have been able to raise enough money that our home study is already paid for. So thank you to those of you who have participated in fundraisers, or donated, or prayed for our journey. My prayer is that we never take any of this for granted, and that we always realize the miracle that we are getting to live during this process.

Now to be honest with you, I have really struggled with some of the forms and things that we have to complete. I get it, I mean I understand why the agency is asking for all of this stuff, but it still aggravates me. For example, my budget. As I said before, I have had to fill out at least three different monthly budget forms and I have to submit a copy of my tax return from last year. One side of me says "Ok no problem, I have nothing to hide, and besides they are just trying to make sure that we are financially ready to take care of a child" but then the other side of me is furious and screaming "What the hell does it matter how much money I make? If I can afford to pay for the adoption, doesn't that show them that I'm responsible enough to take care of a child. Besides what about the pregnant teenager who can't hold down a job for more than two weeks? Are you going to take their kid away if they don't fill out all of these budget forms and submit a copy of their taxes? No you are just going to give them government assistance and enable them to continue to make bad life choices!"

Maybe I'm stepping over the line by telling you that, but I'm just trying to be honest with what I'm feeling and thinking. Now I should probably clarify that I definitely have the "no problem" way of thinking much more than the "screw you guys" thoughts, but the negative ones are definitely there.

Every time that I have these negative thoughts or find myself comparing my life to someone else's, I think about a quote that my Pastor had not to long ago.  "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel" -Pastor Steven Furtick

This quote has always stuck with me. Bottom line is we never really know what someone else is going through. So when I see that pregnant teenager, or the family with six kids that complains about how hard it is, or the woman who is complaining about being pregnant, and I can feel the rage building up inside of me, I just try to take a step back and realize that I don't know what they have to deal with in their life, and they are called to different things than I am. It's all about perspective. Perspective changes everything. In fact, I believe that this is the second blog post I've had where I talked about perspective.





Do you see two faces or a vase? Same picture, two different ways to look at it. Perspective changes everything.





I can either choose to look at this adoption journey as our only chance at being parents and be a little bitter about the fact that we may never have our own biological children, or I can chose to look at this and believe this was God's plan all along, and we get to change a child's life forever. I choose to have the later point of view. If we struggle with insecurity because our perspective is off, then I have to protect myself and not allow my perspective on this long process to shift to a negative one. I can either choose to see that stack of paperwork on the table as an unconquerable mountain or a tiny little ant hill that is easily taken care of. It's my choice.


So, bring on the paperwork! I'll fill out 15 more budget forms and give you my taxes for the past ten years if I need to. Because it doesn't matter what we need to do. Lauren and I are called by God to be parents. Our kids may not come into our family the traditional way. They may be from another country and they may be another race, but they will still be OUR children, and they will be loved and cared for to the best of our ability.

We will let you know a little later this month when we get the start date for our home study. Thank you so much for following along with us.

Brian