Mother's Day

Mother's Day.  It's a day a lot of women who deal with infertility dread.  It can be a day that reminds us of something we so long to become.  For those who have lost a baby, it can be filled with grief and sorrow.  While we celebrate other family and friends who are moms, it's a day that can be hard. For the last 7 years, those are things I have felt.  It's not easy to say that.  In the past this day has been shared with feelings of embarrassment, hurt, shame and worry.  But this year was different.


This year, for the first time, I felt grace and peace.  I've prayed for this Mother's Day after our adoption dissolved.  I prayed that God would help me through it.  I didn't want to go to church this weekend.  I wanted to stay at home, sleep in, stay in my pajamas and watch movies.  But I knew that wasn't what God wanted for me.  So, instead of having feelings of fear and worry, I saw things in a new way.


I saw our friends who are new foster parents come to church with a mother of one of the boys they are fostering.  It hasn't been an easy road for them.  They've grown attached to the sweet children they've welcomed into their home.  I can only imagine the strength it took to invite that mom, but they are selfless and knew it was best for the son they are sharing and his mom.  They're filled with grace and a strength I've never seen before.


I saw friends who have struggled with infertility celebrate Mother's Day with their miracle babies.  Whether it was their first, second, third or fourth baby, it was a struggle to conceive these little blessings but today we got to celebrate these little joys.


I saw friends who were moms for the very first time come to church tired, with spit up on their Mother's Day dresses, no makeup on, and smiling.  They were celebrating their sweet little ones and this new chapter in their lives.

I got to talk to my mom and let her know how much I love and miss her.   When you don't live close to your family, days like these sometimes slip by because you don't see them.  But it makes me miss them more.

Brian and I got to talk to his mom.  Brian was reunited with her this past April, it was also the first time I ever got to meet her.  Their relationship had some struggles in the past, they've seen each other once in about 23 years.  But the love in her heart for her son is something I can't wait to experience for my own son.  She has always said she has 4 children, even though they hadn't seen each other in years.  She's always loved him and prayed for the day when she would see him again.  She's so excited to be a mamaw to our Little Chimi.


If I had chosen to go about my day the way I had planned, I would have missed all of this and so much more.  But God had something different planned for me.  He had me reframe my vision and see things in a new perspective.  He's given me the hope, confidence and peace that next year will be the first Mother's Day I'll get to celebrate with a baby and I can't wait.  Every day we are one day closer to becoming parents.